It's no secret that I'm a total American Idol junkie, and every year when the finale rolls around, I get a little bit melancholy. This year, one of my favorites, David Cook, was the winner. Even though I had a special place in my heart for Jason Castro, I knew after the top 5 that he wasn't going to win. I still voted my fingers off but when he left, I was all about David Cook.
I think it was probably the best year for Idol, despite the fact that we saw complacent judging, overly-pimped chosen ones [who were chosen for God knows what reason], the first ever "pageant" contestant complete with entourage, the craptastic themes and general old-fashioned feel of the whole thing. It wasn't until the top 3 that we heard songs from this decade, let alone the past ten years. But it was the the first year they allowed musical instruments, which opened the door for contestants like Jason, David and Brooke White to truly shine, where in another season they would have been drowned out by glory-noters. In a few paragraphs, here are my highlights from season 7 -
Archie and his inspirational grab bag - poverty, homelessness, religion, life's journey, gun control, immigration, inner faith, need I go on? Danny Noriega - "some people weren't LIKING it!" *cue head swish* Luke Menard and his pretty Orlando Bloom resemblance. David Cook as a Word Nerd. Jason coming out from behind - the one-two punch of Daydream and Hallelujah in the semi's. Carly the uber-plant. Aussie Michael Johns and his wannabe rock star style. Ramiele and her emotional breakdowns during every single effing results show. The Beatles, times two. Chikezie turning the Beatles into something out of O Brother, Where Art Thou. Jason and his "you remind me of a guy singing in a dorm room at midnight" with his enthusiastic "yep, that's me!" David Hernandez, gay male stripper, now that's hawt. Jason learns French - "Ma belle... I didn't know that was French... I thought it was English!" Kristy Lee + Eight Days a Week = Dolly Parton on crack. Carly mistakes Blackbird for a song about her seven million chances as a recording artist, not the Civil Rights Movement. David Cook reinvents Billie Jean all Chris Cornell style and becomes a frontrunner. Archie sings about why you shouldn't shoot people. Kristy Lee panders like crazy to red staters. Jason goes international again singing a Sting song in Spanish - and then hits the bottom 3 for the first [and only] time and freaks out his fans.
Dolly Parton and her plastic yet still sassy self mentors the Idols. Brooke sings Jolene with a big grin on her face, completely ignoring the fact that the song is about a homewrecker. Jason + Travelin' Thru = something he needs to jack from Miss Dolly and record on an album. Archie sings about mountains, Syesha busts out Whitney [again], Ramiele sounds like a karaoke reject and then leaves. The dork dancing in the results show is at a new high - neither Michael, David Cook or Jason seem to care anymore that they have no rhythm. Oh yeah, they're all roommates too - can I have a season pass to that room, please? Idol Gives Back - a whole lot of depressing videos set to U2 music. Oh look, Jason can also play the ukulele - and paid homage to another beloved deceased artiste. Michael Johns cannot appropriately imitate Steven Tyler. David Cook writes something on his hand that, sadly enough, does not say "Not Penny's Boat". Kristy Lee actually doesn't sing something pandering on Inspirational night - imagine that! Carly mistakes Freddie Mercury's anthem about dying of AIDS as another metaphor for her failed career. Michael Johns, gone at top 8? No way! Mariah Carey proved to not be a ginormous trainwreck. The guys pwned the ladies. David Cook turns Always Be My Baby into a summer blockbuster soundtrack song. Jason takes us to a luau [???] with a Spanish guitar-inspired remix. Carly channels the powers of Harry Nilsson, kinda. Archie attempts to sing both Whitney AND Mariah at the same time. Kristy Lee finally freaking leaves, and Syesha replaces her as "person who will always be in the bottom 3/2 no matter what".
Andrew Lloyd Webber songs, wtf? Jason - "I didn't know it was sung by a cat!" as he sings Memory from Cats. Oh look, David Cook can sing a song straight, and he can do so very well. Archie forgets more words, and no one seems to notice. Syesha proves she has a personality. Brooke stops an entire orchestra because she literally started falling apart on live TV. Carly screams about Jesus a lot and then gets voted off. Neil Diamond is the last of the "wtf, seriously?" mentors. Paula shows her time-traveling and/or psychic skillz. Jason gives shout-outs to his Castro pants-loving fanbase by singing Forever in Blue Jeans. David Cook and Syesha sing songs that I cannot remember to save my life. Archie ruins Sweet Caroline. Brooke consumes several Red Bulls and cracks out to I'm a Believer and then finally leaves, hopefully in search of some Xanax. Too bad the five of them can't harmonize worth a damn - but David Cook shows us that if this Idol thing goes bust, he'll make a great traveling preacher. The top 4 go to Vegas to watch Cirque du Soleil, kiss dolphins, get mauled by fans and all that other important stuff that helps you perform better. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame week - to Archie, that means more ballads. To Syesha - songs about the Civil Rights Movement that she can compare her life to. David Cook overshoots with the Who. Jason was thinkin' Bob Marley! and forgets some words to a very popular Bob Dylan song and the judges act like he sacrificed kittens on stage.
Top 3 - personal, producer and judges choice. Archie shows sings about "shawty" and his "boo" and makes America laugh hysterically. Syesha is predictable with Alicia Keys and some song from Happy Feet. David Cook is just genre-bending awesomeness. Syesha is out at top 3 and the David vs. David finale, that seems to have been predicted in the Book of Deuteronomy, is actually going to happen, despite the fact that TPTB had to steamroll the competition to get there. David Cook sings current music and is blasted for it. Archie sings more ballads and is called "molten hot" [drink!]. Finale night does not disappoint. Cheesetastic medleys, dork dancing up the yin-yang and awesomely bad 80s music. Donna Summer, Bryan Adams and George Michael - a trifecta of 80s cheese, if you will. Seal! That other guy from Crosby Stills and Nash! ZZ Top! Jimmy Kimmel! Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr as the Pips! Will it ever end? Probably not. Oh look, that "I am your brother!" dude from the auditions, wasn't he like 45? That David Cook Guitar Hero commercial was all kinds of hot - can I order one for my living room? Jason reprises his version of Hallelujah and is even better than before. And David Cook wins - a surprise to most of the country. He cries a lot, and I do too, because I can't deal with guys crying, I lose my shit.
So there ya go... American Idol 7 in a few nutshells. Now I can go back to having a fairly normal life, no?
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